I’m starting to get used to the idea of being as single parent and slowly getting the bills sorted.
I don’t feel as confused as I did the first week or so, My boy is happy and hasn’t acted out of the ordinary since his mum’s been gone…well apart from his usual terrible two’s “I want this/to do that or I’ll cry” syndrome.
The problem I have at the moment is that I have feelings for some one who is married and probably doesn’t know how I feel about her or have the same feelings. I don’t want to loose her as a friend so I daren’t tell her that I THING I’m in love with her. So what do I do?
My heart aches when I think about her which is most of the time, at work and at home which marks it harder as this person works in the same area as I do all thou not with me.
I’ve thought about biting the bullet and tell her but then think that she might hate me for it.
All though her hubby hasn’t been the best to her, even to the point of binning her and then getting back together I think she…I’m sure she still loves him. I have to be honest I would love it if they did break up, not that I want her to be in pain but it would enable me I think to let her know how I feel and see what happens.
I wonder if the feelings I have for her are as a result of my recent plight, but then to be honest I did have some feelings for her before my wife left me for some one else even if they weren’t as strong as they are now.
I want to tell some one about this but I don’t know who so I wrote it down to see where it leads me, I daren’t say her name though to save my self both hurt and embarrassment.
What I will say though is she is being a friend to me and if I cant have her as a lover or partner then I at least want her as a very good friend.
To those that think I’m mad or disillusioned…may be I am, may be its all just a school boy crush but the truth is thinking about her hurts so much it makes me feel light crying.
Ps I know this may seem sad but I even made a play list with the following tracks for her called My Secret, if I was ever to play them to her or pass then on to her:
1. Alone, 2. Falling into You, 3.You're Beautiful, 4. If You Wanna Touch Her, Ask!
5. Talk, 6. You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth, 7. One Year of Love
8. This Must Be Love, 9. Find a Way to My Heart, 10. Take My Breath Away
11. Angel, 12. Bright Eyes