I've come to the conclusion...well I think I have any way, that the feelings I have are as a result of suddenly being available after nearly 14 years of marriage. Sounds strange I guess but I think it may be possible that I was/am reading too much into a friendship which is totally unfair on J so I'm going to TRY and brush of these feelings and maintain a friendship as that is the most important thing at the end of the day.
When I was young I would Walk every where just for the sake of it, I don’t think my legs would do it now...and I’m only 36 lol. But J is the perfect person to help me venture out again, be it horse riding for my son or cycling to the beach on Wednesday evenings to watch the live music. It's not just that...J is all ways willing to listen when I want to off load and get things of my chest. I've all ways been the one to listen and be there for B when she needed it, now she’s gone my focus is totally on my son. people have asked me in the past how I cope with all the things I've been thru, who I talk to, to off load my problems and issues. Well to be honest I think that J is that person for me. J has said in the past that she doesn't like seeing me not being happy, I think I may have miss read and come to my current situation I'm not sure, but one thing I do is that that’s friendship. Friendship counts more because without it most of us wouldn't make it past the half way mark in this race of life.
Perhaps one day it will all become clear, may be J and I will happen (but I doubt it to be honest) or may be I'll meet some one.
but for now my goal is to try and save up for a new camera and get out there taking phots of what ever teaching My boy about it at the same time. I all so need to save for a car to enable me to take My boy future a field.
I need to get out there and make friends...and keep them or my soul will just rot and that won’t help me to help, teach and guide my son.